Shear Genius: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

posted by Eric3000

For the third episode's quickfire challenge the geniuses get to watch Sally create her famous Sally shag.

Geniuses: "Ooh! It's such an honor to get to watch Sally perform a haircut!"

Well, yes, I guess it's marginally more entertaining than watching someone "perform" an oil change.

Then the geniuses have to re-create the exact cut. Tyson wins!

John Edwards: "I would totally pay $650 for that haircut!"

Ann Coulter: "Fag."

Jaclyn Smith: "The winner will choose the order ..."

OH MY God! There was the most ridiculously audible gasp in the Eric household! Seriously, we acted like she was about to say that the winner would choose the order of when the other stylists would be killed in a ritual sacrifice! We totally thought she was going to say that the winner was going to have to rank the other cuts and pick who would be going home! But, of course, she just said that the winner would be picking the order of choosing models in the next challenge. We collapsed in hysterics!

Anyway, Lacey is sent home because she did not understand the point of the challenge and did a completely different haircut.

The geniuses go back to the apartment and Rene tells them to shut up, as usual, and then tells them they have the right to an attorney and one phone call.

Most of the designers are crying about getting to speak to their family members, most of whom know nothing of the circumstances of their disappearances and assume they are dead:

Tabatha: "Anthony, explain to me why they are crying. Are they in physical pain? I am very interested in learning about human emotions."

Anthony: "They miss their families."

Tabatha: "Why? Their families are probably just a bunch of losers like they are."

Anthony: "You got that right."

So Tyson "wins" the fabulous prize of getting to piss off the other geniuses and decide the order of picking models. The other two "winners" in the top three get to be singled out as the top competition so Tyson can try to screw them over. This seems pretty pointless. He starts out by asking the others to tell him why he should pick them to choose models first:

Tabatha: "Oh, piss off, you little bitch."

OK, so that didn't work so well. Instead, he just ranks them and puts them in reverse order according to talent. I guess this gives him a little bit of an advantage but ultimately won't make a difference and the whole exercise is pretty humiliating.

Rene: "Shut the fuck up, everyone! I have a surprise for you! You will not only be picking models but also picking from these absolutely ridiculous tools that you have to use to cut their hair!"

Here are the tools they chose to work with:

Tyson picked an ordinary pair of sissors.

Boogie picked a grapefruit spoon.

Ben picked a CD jewel case.

Evangelin picked a gas-powered chainsaw.

Danna picked a trained ferret.

Anthony picked a Motorola Razr phone.

Theodore picked a Beadazzler.

Daisy picked a rake.

And Tabatha picked a set of Jonathan Adler placemats from Linens n Things.

Considering what they had to work with, they all did extremely well. Other than those hideous Cynthia Rowely outfits, the clients looked pretty good. Tabatha's client looked like she had pretty bad split ends but those plastic Jonathan Adler placemats are not as sharp as you would think. Boogie did a serviceable job but it was just too safe and boring. Theodore spent the entire time putting cornrows in his own hair and his client looked the same as when she came in.

Theodore is gone! Sob!

Evangelin did an amazing job! She got extra credit for using a chainsaw and she was not penalized for accidentally decapitating her client. That really wasn't her fault.

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Shear Genius VS. Top Design

7) The stylists get to choose the models in innovative ways. Tyson walking through the line of models while touching their hair was priceless and a little creepy. (I love creepy.) In the second episode, only the top three short cut challenge winners got to see which celebrity hairdos their models wanted. Cool. In the third challenge, Tyson got to try his hand at strategy. Even better.

8) Most of Shear Genius is focused on the actual competition. Top Design wasted too much airtime following the judges around, and filming them taking notes or walking through the design sets. Their snooty discussions were so tiresome that I kept yelling at the screen – “Show the designers, you morons!”

9) Jaclyn Smith’s voice is sexier than Todd’s. And, despite that fact that she's worn the same hairdo since the middle ages, she knows hair.(Padma could take some hostessing lessons from her!)

10) Rene Fris.

There are more reasons why this show rocks, and one can never predict chemistry. I and a few million other people are having fun watching Shear Genius and that’s all that counts. Ms. Place

Dear Ms. Place,
Up yours. The Assistant



Disclaimer: Dear readers. Although the interaction is fiction, the opinions and ideas are "sheer genius!"


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Love Shear Genius!

Continued from previous post

Anthony, who's talented and interesting and yummylicious.(He's this week's winner in the center.)
Daisy who cries at the drop of a hairpin and who reminds me of my good friend Leslie.

Dr. Boogie. 'Nuff said.

Then there's Theodore, who worked without a shirt. ICK! His armpit hair hung over his model's face! Double ick. It's a wonder she didn't upchuck her lunch when he was working on her.

Paul Jean was the first hair artist to get CUT!
Dahlings, he deserved to get booted. In fact, his terrible "do" reminded me of Cruella de Ville.

In fact, can you see a resemblance between his "peak" and the stylists' first toast? Even though Paul Jean came from Nice, he didn't come across as very nice. Ta, ta, dahling. I wish you all the best.
As for our second auf'd designer - Jim - personally I liked him, but boyoboyoboy did that beet hair color suck.
His model should receive an Emmy for pretending to be calm, cool, and collected. Look at her "Little House on the Prairie" smile as she stood in front of the judges and you'll see what I mean!

When I saw her hair, I was reminded of Chuckles the Clown. (A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!)
Congratulations, Bravo, for getting it right this time! I love this show. Love Jaclyn. And am salivating over Rene Fris. Hubba, hubba, hubba.

Dahling, take your finger outta your mouth or I've gotta go and douse myself with ice cubes.


Posted by Ms. Place on this blog AND Dishin' Dat for this time only!

Roots: the Nexxus Generation

At the start of the episode some guy from Nexxus tells the geniuses what their quickfire challenge will be:

Nexxus Guy: "You need to turn the hair on your mannequin head as red as this sample I have here. This is a level 8 red and you have two hours to reach it."

Tabatha says she wants to hit Evangelin with her mannequin head and then sprays herself in the face with water:

Tabatha: "You see, this is why I usually have a shampooer make my catty remarks for me so I can concentrate on what I'm doing."

Jim is frantically looking through the color books to find exactly the right color of red. Boogie turns the hair a lovely color of blue. How did he do that? Lacey is complaining:

Lacey: "How am I expected to bleach in $100 boots?"

What difference does it make if you're wearing cheap boots?

Lacey: "These aren't cheap boots! I didn't get them at Pay-Less! I got these at Wall-Mart!"

Well, the quality obviously matches the rest of your outfit.

Lacey: "Oh, thank you!"

Sure. Anyway, Tabatha wins because she's an expert on dying her own hair. Evangelin and Ben round out the top three and they have an advantage in the elimination challenge.

Rene is waiting back at the apartment. Ooh, I wonder what the challenge will be!

Rene: "Sssst! Zip it!"

Wow. Relax.

Rene: "You know when a client walks into your salon and has ..."

Geniuses: "Rutabagas, rutabagas, rutabagas."

Rene: "Exactly. Well, that's what this challenge is going to be about."

What?! I have no idea what they said! What's the challenge?!

Rene: "Sssst! Zip it!"

Jeez, what a bitch. Seriously, what the hell is Rene's problem? He is really annoying in this episode. Anyway, apparently the challenge is about making your client look like a picture of a celebrity. The winning geniuses from the quickfire have a major advantage this time. Not only do they get first pick of the clients but they will learn what celebrity their clients want to look like ahead of time. The rest of the geniuses won't find out what celebrity they need to turn their clients into until the challenge begins. How exciting!

Rene: "Sssst! Zip it!"

I've had it with you! You are not going to appear in the rest of this recap. OK, so the challenge is to take their client and a picture of a celebrity and then turn their client's hair bright red.

Well, if that actually had been the challenge, Daisy and Jim would have done a great job. Daisy talks to her client for an hour and a half and then dyes her hair red and pulls it back into a bad prom do. This is supposed to make us think of Christina Aguilera.

Eminem: "Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs."

Whatever you say. Jim bleaches his client's hair and then dyes it red to make her look like Gwen Stefani:

Jim: "Well, the color was all uneven so I just dyed the whole thing this beautiful Ronald McDonald red. I really saved the fucking day!"

The judges don't think so. Poor Jim. At least he tried. He really attempted to do Gwen Stefani; he just failed miserably. But I still think he deserves more credit than Daisy, who didn't do anything at all except complain.

Judges: "Daisy, if your client said she wanted something impossible, you should have just told her to go someplace else."

Daisy: "Um. But then I wouldn't have had a model for this challenge."

Judges: "Oh, yeah. Never mind."

Jim is out and Daisy is safe. Sorry Jim; we'll miss you!

I can't quite remember who the rest of the celebrities were but it was something like this:

Tabatha was supposed to make her client look like Baby Spice.

Ben was supposed to make his client look like Lady Diana.

Evangelin was supposed to make her client look like Chuck Berry.

Tyson was supposed to make his client look exactly the same.

Danna's client was supposed to look like someone but nobody knows who.

Anthony's client already looked exactly like Jessica Simpson so he made her look like Jaclyn Smith.

Theodore's client wanted to look like Jessica Simpson but nobody cared because they were too interested in how stupid he looked.

Lacey's client wanted to look like Ross from Friends.

Dr. Boogie's client wanted to look like a walking skeleton.

Once again, Jaclyn Smith chooses the the hair that looks like her own. Anthony wins!

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Chatting With Anthony!

US: If you couldn't be a stylist, what would you be doing?

Anthony: I love people, so I would be a fire fighter. I have such respect and admiration for the men and women who give their lives every day in the fire department. Or an international travel guide where I would take people to exotic places around the world, but fire fighter I think would be the one I would go for.

US: Who do you admire?

Anthony: I admire the fashion divas such as Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker and Gwen Stefani. They aren't afraid to take chances because they are passionate about style in general. Their confidence always makes it work.

US: Any hair care secrets you`d like to share?

Anthony: If you have curly hair, try not to shampoo it ever day. It always looks better the second day because the natural oils in the hair have resurfaced. These oils are essential for smoother curls and less frizz and breakage. And you also don't want to dry out your scalp.

US: What is in your fridge right now?

Anthony: Protein shakes, a gallon of egg whites. fruit, left over Italian food, Liptons Ice tea, turkey slices, Boston cream pie, yogurt, bread, butter, jam. I try to eat healthy and workout regularly, but I still know how to indulge!

US: What do you feel is the worst hair trend in the last 10 years?

Anthony: Ugh -- 80's perms for sure. Who thought that looked good? Same person who came up with the mullet!

US: Any pets?

Anthony: No, too hard with my busy schedule and traveling.

US: What is your favorite:

Movie: Mommy Dearest – Talk about a fashion diva…

CD: John Legend – He motivates me to be creative.

Book: I wish I had more time to read!

TV Show: "Little Briton" on BBC America

Guilty Pleasure: Chocolate cake and a great martini - sometimes at the same time!

US: You are stranded in Bora Bora what three items do you hope you have in your bag?

Anthony: My Blackberry, credit card, and passport. Those are the 3 things you ever need no matter where you are.

Thanks Anthony. Please drop by again to chat and best of luck next week!

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Iron Hair

Continued from main page:

Announcer 2: "What's happening there in the corner?"

Announcer 1: "Ooh; someone is having major hairspray issues. I don't know if he's going to be able to recover from that."

Announcer 2: "Now, explain to me what's going on with all these asymmetrical cuts. Is that a new technique?"

Announcer 1: "Only if you're living in the 1980s. It's apparently big with people who think they are hip. We'll just have to see what the judges think about it. Oh, my goodness; they've been given the one minute warning. Some of the geniuses don't look like they are close to being finished. I will be amazed if they can pull this together in time!"

Announcer 2: "And time's up! Wow! There was some last minute snipping and blowing but they all finished! That was so exciting I'm completely exhausted!

Announcer 1: "Yeah, that was pretty dramatic. Right down to the wire! Let's see what the judges think. Jaclyn Smith likes the hair that looks like her own Charlie's Angels hair. Oh, dear; one of the judges tries to pull a comb through Jim's wig. You hate to see that.

Announcer 2: "Jim looks devastated. Could this be the end of the road for him?"

Announcer 1: "We'll just have to wait and see. OK, the judges are ranking them from best to worst. Paul Jean is in the top three and he's looking pretty confident. Tabatha is on the bottom. They pick models from best to worst. They are told they will be creating hair art."

Announcer 2: "Holy cow! I don't even know what that means but I'm really excited to see what they do!"

Announcer 1: "Hair art is one of the most important and respected aspects of styling. And it's something only a few people in the world are qualified to do."

Announcer 2: "It sounds really dangerous!"

Announcer 1: "Yes. And that's something most people don't realize. In most countries you have to have a special license to perform hair art. It's a very serious business. We should remind the viewers at home not to try this themselves."

Announcer 2: "That's an important reminder. Please, folks, this may look like fun but you need to leave it to the professionals."

Announcer 1: "The geniuses are running around Michael's buying craft supplies. Most of them are sticking to the hair art section but Theodore goes straight for the treasure chests. The old pros wouldn't take that kind of risk but he's going for it!"

Announcer 2: "Crazy kids!"

Announcer 1: "We're back in the studio and Tabatha is using a very difficult technique with feathers in a Mohawk shape."

Announcer 2: "Is there a special name for that technique?"

Announcer 1: "It's generally known as 'sticking feathers in the hair.' Tabatha is a master of this technique. I've seen her do it in competition before and, really, she's in a league of her own."

Announcer 2: "Danna is wrapping hair around balls. That looks really complicated."

Announcer 1: "Oh, it is. I can't tell you how many careers have been destroyed by wrapping those balls badly. Oh, oh, she's doing it! Yes, she's doing it! I've never seen ball wrapping like that! Unbelievable!"

Announcer 2: "Dr. Boogie is surgically inserting flowers into his model's hair!"

Announcer 1: "They don't call him 'Dr.' for nothing! That is some impressive flower inserting! Oh, over at station number 2 Ben is working furiously to finish something. Interesting fact about Ben ..."

Announcer 2: "Yes?"

Announcer 1: "He's a hairdresser but he isn't gay."

Announcer 2: "That is fascinating! Next you'll try to tell me the pope isn't gay! What's going on over at station 4? It looks like that French guy is acting like a total prick."

Announcer 1: "That's exactly right! It's a common technique in the styling profession known as 'giving attitude' and it's usually used by total assholes who are trying to make up for the fact that they have no talent."

Announcer 2: "He's using the technique well."

Announcer 1: "Yes. But his hair art looks like shit. He's given his last cut. OK, quiet! The models are demonstrating the hair art for the judges. This is the most critical part!"

Announcer 2: "I can't tell what's happening! It's all too technical for me!"

Announcer 1: "I know, it's difficult for the layman to understand. See, the models have tons of crap piled on their heads and the judges have to decide which pile of crap they prefer. The reigning champion is Tabatha; she's older and terrifying looking and she has the experience. Then we have the challenger, Theodore, who looks like Ryan Philippe and could win this through his youth and audacity. I mean, come on, he just stuck a jewelry box on his model's head! That's never been done before in hair art championships outside of North Korea! He wins it! Unbelievable!"

Announcer 2: "I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this before on television!"

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Jim Drops In To Chat.

US: Why did you decide to become a stylist?

JIM: Let me tell you a little story, picture it, I'm 13 years old and when I grow up I want to be a doctor. Go figure me a pediatrician, hmmm. But, I digress.


Moving forward, I am in school (7th grade) and loving the painting and creative side of me that is finally allowed to be expressed through the art classes that were offered. So one day I present a portrait (homework) and the teacher starts to tell me, in front of everyone, how I have no talent and won't ever make it as an artist. Needless to say, I was crushed. The irony in all of this came about when I entered a local art competition, offered to students at my school. I had to enter this contest just to prove a point, because I was never one of those people who took anyone's criticism to heart. I was beside myself when one of the other art teachers in my school chose my entry as one of the winners. What made this victory even sweeter was the fact that my winning piece of art was displayed in a shiny glass cabinet directly adjacent to the door of the art teacher who said my work was terrible. Hmm payback. How proud I felt at this moment. I knew from this point forward that I had to make use of all my creative talents.

Probably the most significant influence on my career choices and me came about one day when I went with my mom to my Aunt Shirley's house. Shortly after we arrived, my aunt came walking out of the bathroom. She had just finished washing her hair and all I could see was a mass of long, curly, gray hair hanging around her face. For some reason, I was amazed at how it looked as it came tumbling down from the damp towel. My cousin Alice started combing my aunt's hair and setting it in large rollers. I was somehow interested in what she was doing, the control of her fingers with a comb, a spray bottle of setting lotion, the large rollers, the clips, it was incredible how her fingers worked. So then, she popped my Aunt Shirley under a hair dryer and there she sat, baking for about and hour. After her hair was dry, she started pulling out the rollers and the hair stayed in these large smooth circular shapes. I was mesmerized. How could hair do this with a little bit of spray liquid? Then she started brushing these barrels of hair into soft, full waves, teasing the hair and pinning it up in such a way that my mouth was hanging open. When she was done, and the hair spray settled, my Aunt Shirley was a vision to behold. Her hair was like a piece of sculpture, beauty personified in a breathtaking up-do that blew me away.

Although my Aunt Shirley didn't have a lot of money, she looked like a young Hollywood starlet. It took so little to make someone feel so great. As I looked at my aunt I thought, "how I want to be able to take something so naturally undone and turn it into something so beautiful. Well, it was at this very moment that I knew I wanted to be a hairdresser. Once I got into High School, I enrolled in the vocational program offered by my school. I decided that this was the route to go, because once I finished with High School, I could go to work as a hairdresser. As a hairdresser, I could forever after recreate that same overwhelming excitement I felt that afternoon as I watched my cousin transform my aunt's hair into a beautiful piece of sculpture.


US: If you couldn't be a stylist, what would you be doing?
JIM: Baking some fabulous desserts or a masseur.

US: Who do you admire?
JIM: My Mom and Dad. The raised 7 kids. Need I say more?

US: Any hair care secrets you`d like to share?
JIM: Hmmm ,so many to mention but, how about the day you get married or have a chance to have a picture taken of yourself don’t wash your hair that morning since the oils in your hair will make your hair seem shinier than if your hair was freshly washed. But of course style your hair as if you had!

US: What is in your fridge right now?
JIM: Chocolate, fresh fruit, and every condiment you can imagine and of course coffee.

US: What do you feel is the worst hair trend in the last 10 years?
JIM: A ponytail on the (top)side of your head

US: Any pets?
A beautiful white Chihuahua, named Hunter after the actor Tab Hunter.... "lust in the dust, polyester” fame.

US: What is your favorite:

Movie: Anything having to do with movies from 1900-1950's, Lillian Dorothy Gish, Brutality 1912,the Da Bara a fool there was 1915,Clara Bow Wings 1927,The Woman Norma Shearer, Rosalind Russel, Mildred Pierce Joan Crawford 1945 and of course last but not least Sunset Blvd. With Gloria Swanson1950.

CD: I don’t listed to much music but I do love a great Tammy Wynette tune or Patsy Cline.

Book : Harry Potter The Series

TV Show: I Love Lucy, THE Munsters, THE Saint,THE Avengers, Are You Being Served, Keeping Up Appearances. So Many To Mention.

Guilty Pleasure: Shopping for a new piece of jewelry, rings are my fav!

US: You are stranded (you pick a location) what three items do you hope you have in your bag? JIM: Hawaii, fabulous sunglasses, a huge sparkly ring, and a reservation at a 5 star hotel.

US: Any final words?
JIM: There could never be any final words to say thank you to all the people who helped me before during and after I got on the show... It was the most fun and the experience of a life time. I know that reality shows make so many look so bad but what ever they say or show of me. It was an honor and a huge privilege to be chosen... Thanks

One show and our own Brillke wants to adopt you.

Don't be afraid. The two of you would be a hoot together!!

Thanks Jim! Come back and chat with us anytime.

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