Kathy Griffin’s Most D-Listable Moments

3. The Vagina Dialogues

After Whoopi interviews Kathy on radio about her first performance at Carnegie Hall, they began to chit chat off mike.“My foot is too small but my vagina is normal,” Kathy remarked, continuing to discuss her vagina in a way that had Whoopi and me rolling on the floor. The conversation then turned to Kathy’s first appearance at Carnegie Hall. Whoopi tells Kathy to just be herself during her sold out performance. “The gays, the unshockable gays, and the unshockable straight folks are coming to see YOU; they do not want a toned down act.” To which Kathy archly replied, “I’m not toning down a f-cking thing.” Amen to that, sister. And thank you for not toning.

4. Tom, Company Whipping Boy, and Kelly Pickler

Kathy and Tom, her new house mate and overall whipping boy, were in the dressing room at The View's studio, waiting for Kathy to go to make up. Learning that Kelly Pickler from American Idol will host instead of Barbara Walters, Kathy quips that no one will mistake one woman for the other.“She might confuse a head of state with a head of lettuce.” But it seems that our Tom doesn’t care about Kelly’s lack of gray matter. It’s obvious when Kelly enters the room, that he’s got a major thing going for her. “Tom,” our sensitive Kathy quips out of Kelly’s earshot, “Want to offer to do her chest makeup?” At this moment I knew – Tom will provide the kind of comic foil that Matt, the ex, never could.

5. Divorce talk

No, this moment isn’t funny. It showed Kathy at her most vulnerable, fragile self. As I heard this complex woman say in a thick, pained voice, ‘Divorce sucks. I feel like a failure,” I knew why I like her so much. Aside from being brilliantly and fiercely funny, she’s genuine.

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For an excellent recap of Season 3's First Episode, click here to go to Marius’ blog.

Conversation With a D-Lister

Ms. Place: Don’t take this personally, dahling. I'm just the messenger. What if you fall to E-list status, or rise to C?

(Laughter in the background).

Bravo’s got to think about the network's future. The next D-lister could be Brooke Shields. Have you noticed how her rising star stalled after Tom Cruise stopped pickin’ on her? They fear that you really ticked her off dissin’ her momma’s alcoholism in that hilarious wedding skit. But that’s neither here nor there. Once Brooke falls to D-list status, Bravo might have a hard time convincing her to front a series for them. And that would be ALL your fault.

Kathy G: (Sputtering and choking) Whothehelldoyouthinkyouare? I am a comedic ARTISTE. No one tells me my business! Specially not a sniveling little nobody like you. I got nominated for an EMMY! I promoted my dog walker to tour manager!

Ms. Place: Hey, I'm with you, girlfriend. Look, Bravo WANTS you to follow your BLISS. I'll only be emailing you a teensy Quality Report after every show suggesting improvements. Like where you might have been a tad kinder towards someone. That's all.

Kathy G: (Voice rising) Kinder? TO WHOM?

Ms. Place: Ryan Seacrest and Clay Aiken, for example. Dakota Fanning. Lindsey Lohan. Need I go on?

Kathy G: You and everybody at Bravo can suck it!

(Sound of phone slamming)

Bravo Brass: How’d it go, Missy?

Ms. Place: (Sighs) She's pissed, but I think our Kath will come around. Where else can she go? The View?

(Snickering and guffaws all around. And the sound of the Bravo Brass leaving Ms. Place's office.)



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Disclaimer: This conversation came purely from Ms. Place's fertile imagination. Although she is convinced that she and Kathy are soulmates, they have never spoken. In other words, don't get your knickers in a twist, dahlings. This post is all about fun and sport.