Shear Genius Finale: the three stylists you will meet in heaven!

Posted by Eric3000

Eight episodes? Really? That's it? I thought there would be at least one more. I thought this episode would narrow it down to the final two, who would compete in the finale next week. I should probably pay more attention.

We start the episode with the three final geniuses sitting with Rene. It looks like Rene should be interviewing them but he is really just telling them what has happened on the show:

Rene: "Hi hi! First you all came on the show and then you cut some hair and people got into arguments and you all cried like little girls and some people were sent home and a bunch of other stuff happened and now we are just left with the three of you!"

Geniuses: "We know all that, Rene. We were there."

Rene: "OK, Mr. and Mrs. Smartypantses, why don't you give us a sound bite."

Anthony: "I have 43 years of experience in the styling industry. And that's pretty impressive because I'm only 39."

Daisy: "At the beginning I was completely misunderestimated."

Ben: "Making it this far on the show is really an accomplishment. But I don't care about all that shit; I'm just in it for the money."

The geniuses learn that they will recreating a Vidal Sassoon style made famous by Olympic silver medalist and hair legend Michelle Kwan. Then they are introduced to the guest judge: God.

God: "Many people don't realize this, but I invented hair."

Daisy: "This is such an honor to meet God! He's always been such an inspiration to me. If it weren't for God, I wouldn't be a stylist today. Well, I guess I wouldn't even exist."

God tells us about his charity helping the victims of hurricane Katrina:

God: "So I went to New Orleans after Katrina and it was such a disaster. I've never seen so many people with bad hair in my entire life! One woman told me it had been months since she'd had a hot oil treatment! It just broke my heart. I decided right then and there I had to do something to help. I realized that if all the hairdressers in the world worked together, we could prevent hurricanes and other natural disaster from ever occurring."

[Click here to learn about Vidal Sassoon's organization Hairdressers Unlocking Hope, which is helping to rebuild homes destroyed by Katrina]

For the final challenge, the geniuses will be creating three looks:

Rene: "Just as in selecting a diamond, you will be using the three 'C's of styling: Color, Creativity, and Kwan."

Ben: "I'm pretty sure Kwan starts with a 'K.'"

Rene: "Whatever."

The geniuses pick boxes with numbers, which will be the order they pick collections of clothes for their clients. Daisy is first, Anthony is second, and Ben is last:

Ben: "This is why I haven't gone on that game show with Howie Mandel; I know I would pick the wrong briefcase."

[Eric Three Thousand has never actually seen that show but is guessing it has something to do with picking a briefcase.]

Ben: "Have I mentioned that I really want some money?"

They pick collections, from which they will choose outfits for their three clients. Daisy picks some boring black and white clothes by Luca Luca, Anthony picks some predictably hideous clothes by Cynthia Rowley, and Ben is left with a collection of quite cute clothes by Dina Bar-El (though he doesn't select the best ones). I'm not quite sure how this worked. I don't think the geniuses saw the clients before they picked the clothes so they weren't able to choose things to suit the specific women. And their clients were not models and came in a variety of shapes and sizes. So how did the dresses fit all of them? Did they have each dress in a range of sizes? Most of the dresses were not very flattering to the women who ended up wearing them. It was a very strange assignment.

They have three hours to do three heads (that's industry speak for doing three people's hair). Daisy has a Marcel-wave-iron malfunction, as usual. Anthony gets in a fight with his client:

Anthony: "What are you doing here if you don't want your hair cut?"

Client: "They told me this was a taping of Two and a Half Men."

Then he gets in a fight with Rene:

Rene: "What are you doing, Anthony?"

Anthony: "Bite me, Rene."

Rene: "Well, if you're happy with that look, it's fine with me."

Rene announces that they are almost out of time:

Rene: "You have five minutes left. I can't believe this season is almost over. I have tea in my eye."

How did you get tea in your eye?

Rene: "No, no, no. Teah! You know, I'm verklempt."

A tear in your eye. Of course. Sorry. God, I'm going to miss trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about every week.

Anyway, on to the hair:

Long story short: it was crap. Daisy did all this weird curly stuff and none of it quite worked. Ben did two pretty nice styles and one terrible up-do. Anthony's were fine but not very exciting and he didn't do a very good job with color.

What do the judges think?

Vidal Sassoon: "Shake that bob! Shake it!"

Rene: "Hey! That's my catch-phrase!"

Vidal Sassoon: "Well, I just think they all did such a wonderful job! They have so much heart! They chose everything perfectly and they really made that cut their own!"

Sally: "Christ! Who do you think you are? Paula Abdul? We have to pick a winner here, Vidal."

Daisy is out. Anthony wins. Ben loses but, for some reason, gets to stay on the set and drink champagne with everyone while daisy is stuck drinking Miller Lite on the loading dock.

That's it! Thanks for reading!

Vidal Sassoon: "Shake it!"

Rene: "Stop that!"

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