Saturday, May 26, 2007

Shear Genius Episode 7: Photo Shit!

Oh, sorry; pardon my French. I should have said "Photo Shoot."

Posted by Eric3000

You'll remember last week's episode ended with Tyson and Tabatha faking their own deaths to conceal their incestuous relationship. Daisy and Anthony won, which means Anthony will be going home this week (it can't be Daisy)!

The quickfire challenge will be to work with Franco-American hair:

Guest Judge: "First you have to determine whether the hair is more like SpaghettiOs or RavioliOs."

OK, I'm just kidding. The challenge is to work with African-American hair.

Anthony: "What's African-American hair?"

It's hair that African-Americans have.

Anthony: "What makes the hair American? Is it different from the hair of black women in England?"

I don't think so. The point is the hair is curly and you are supposed to make it straight.
Four African-American clients come onto the set. Coincidentally, they have African-American hair.

Don Imus: "Those are some nap ... OOF!"

Rene punches Don Imus in the nuts. Suddenly Rene seems slightly less annoying to me.

Ben, Anthony, and Daisy basically just iron the hair straight. Boogie uses a chemical relaxer on a woman who had a gorgeous afro. None of them look better than when they came in. Anthony wins.

Photographer Matthew Rolston has come up with four concepts for a photo shoot. Anthony gets to pass out the assignments. Does he use the opportunity to try to screw people over? no; he gives the other geniuses the concept he thinks fits them best. What the hell is his problem?

Tabatha: "I am so disappointed in him."

So, what are the concepts?

Daisy is supposed to make her model look like a drowned rat.

Boogie is supposed to make his model look like Molly Shannon from her blockbuster hit movie "Superstar."

Anthony's concept is Retro Glamour Fabulous Sexy Prostitute Girl. It will be a "horizontal look," which is a nice way of saying she will be laying on a bed looking like she is having sex.

And Ben gets Rebel Yell, which means he has to make his model look like Billy Idol. Preferably a young Billy Idol.

When the geniuses get back to the apartment there is a box from Jaclyn.

OH, MY GOD! Don't open it! It's a bomb! Jaclyn Smith is insane!

Oh ... ha ha; it's just a DVD. Never mind.

We meet Boogie's son. Excuse me? His what? Yes, you heard right; it's his son. Oh, wait; is his son white? I can't tell. Maybe he's adopted. OK, that makes sense. I wonder why we aren't introduced to his "wife."

We meet Daisy's girlfriend, Ben's girlfriend and Anthony's harem of women.

On the photo shoot Daisy does well. To me it just looks like wet hair but the judges like it so I'm obviously missing something. At first Sally thinks the hair is looking slightly tortured but then she decides that the hair doesn't look tortured.

Sally: "Sometimes wet hair can really look tortured."

OK, I think we've decided that Daisy is not a hair torturer. Phew! In fact, she wins it! This means she'll be out next time.

Anthony did not listen to Matthew about the model's roots showing:

Matthew: "You did not address the hairline issues. I will have you killed."

Ben seems to be totally screwing up but the pictures come out really good and Matthew is happy with his work:

Sally: "Ben is not afraid to fail."

Jaclyn: "Which is good, because he usually does."

Oh, SNAP!

Boogie completely took over the set because he has so much experience and is such a professional. He annoyed everyone and Matthew didn't like the results:

Matthew: "He seems arrogant."

Jaclyn: "I think he's just using the arrogance to hide his insecurity."

Sally: "Oh, don't be such a pussy, Jaclyn. You're over analyzing. Sometimes an annoying, prissy queen is just an annoying, prissy queen."

Boogie is out:

Boogie: "Thank you so much for sending me home. This was exactly when I wanted to be sent home. This is all according to my plan. Yep, I'm completely in control of this situation."

Anthony was supposed to be out. Maybe the curse of the wall of horror has been broken and Daisy won't be out next week!

OK, tune in next time for ... But wait; there's more!

If you order right now you'll get a second hour of Shear Genius absolutely free! That's right; two great hours, minus commercials, of this great fat-fighting program for one low price!

So, first of all, does Bravo really think we have nothing better to do that sit up until midnight watching some tired old queen, er, I mean to say the fabulous Andy Cohen interviewing the geniuses?

Oh, right; I forgot to whom I was speaking.

So, second of all, the reunion is not very interesting. We get a little of Dr. Boogie speaking of his own greatness, a Jaclyn Smith gag reel, which is cute, and Rene's catch phrases of "Hi, hi" and "shake it," which are quickly not becoming popular street lingo.

OK, I have to admit that I totally thought Boogie was joking in the first episode when he made the comment about not being gay. I couldn't believe anybody had taken it seriously. I think his exact words were, "Not that I'm gay or anything," which sounded like sarcasm. Anyway, it turns out he really does think he is straight:

Boogie: "Oh, yeah, I'm totally straight. I just really like having sex with men."

Well, I think that clears up that issue. Moving on: the consensus is that Tabatha is, in fact, a fabulous bitch, as if that fact were ever in question. Everyone hates Tyson but we still don't know why.

Then: Hedge-Clipper Gate!

Evangelin: "People come into my salon all the time asking for my special hedge-clipper cut."

Anthony: "But your salon is down the street from a psychiatric hospital, isn't it?"

Evangelin: "No. Why do you ask?"

Boogie: "He's saying you're crazy and you should be locked up. When did you become so mean and nasty, Anthony?"

Anthony: "I don't know which one of you is more stupid. I wasn't suggesting Evangelin should be in a psychiatric hospital. I was suggesting people would have to be a little crazy to want to have their hair cut with hedge trimmers. It was just a joke. Was it that complicated?"

And that's it! Tune in next time to find out if the wall of horrors spell has truly been broken so Daisy can go to the finale with either Ben or Anthony.

Rene: "Shake it!"

OK, give it up, Rene.

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