Shear Genius Finale: Episode 6!

Posted by Eric3000

Sorry this is late; Eric Three Thousand has been experiencing technical difficulties.

Anyway, on with the Shear Genius finale!

Jaclyn Smith: "This show is dragging on too long so we've decided to just send the rest of you home today. I'm sorry but all of you have just given your last cuts."

Wow! Time really flies when you're having fun! That season went by so quickly; I can hardly believe it's over! Well, thanks, everyone, for reading. Good night and drive safely!

OK, fine, it wasn't really the finale. But seriously, this season is too short. Bravo was clearly afraid of making another Top Design flop so they made this series really short to test the waters.
So, there are six geniuses left. Tyson goes up on the wall of horrors so we know he's going home today. What we don't know is that he'll take Tabatha with him!

Tabatha and Tyson are members of their own mutual admiration society. They both think the other is their strongest competition. The difference between them is that Tyson seems to like Tabatha but Tabatha can't stand him. It's a little sad.

It's a team challenge:

Tyson: "Tabatha, will you be my partner?"

Tabatha: "Oh, god. As long as you don't speak to me and you stay at least five feet away from me at all times. Oh, yeah, and try to stay out of my line of vision. I don't want to have to look at you."

Tyson: "I really respect you."

Tabatha: "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't speak to me."

Ben is teamed up with Boogie and Daisy is teamed with Anthony. The teams go to Topanga Plaza (apparently now called Westfield Topanga. That fucking Westfield corporation is taking over everything!)

Ben is dressed in a ninja outfit:

Ben: "I decided this was the right moment to demonstrate that I'm completely insane."

Not so much. The challenge is to grab people in the mall and convince them to pay for haircuts. The team with the most money at the end of two hours wins.

Ben, Boogie, Daisy, and Anthony offer cheap cuts and get clients pretty quickly.

Anthony: "Well, it's taking me a few minutes. People in this mall are obviously scared by tall, attractive black men with British accents."

Yes, that's it; they're scared of you. It has nothing do with the fact that it's just strange for someone to walk up to a person in a mall and ask to cut their hair.

Tyson and Tabatha are having trouble getting clients because they are charging too much. Also because they look like rejects from the Adams Family.

So how did they do?

Ben and Boogie: around $250
Daisy and Anthony: around $300
Tyson and Tabatha: half a million dollars

Wow! How did Tyson and Tabatha manage that? How many clients did they have?

Tabatha: "We only had one client. We just know how to charge what we're worth."

Client: "They took my dog and said they would kill it unless I gave them $500,000 in unmarked bills. And, on top of that, they forced me to get this hair cut!"

Tabatha: "That's just a little misunderstanding. We offered to watch her dog for her and threatened to kill her husband."

Anyway, Tabatha and Tyson win the quickfire. This, of course, means they get the "advantage" of choosing the clients in the elimination challenge. I put "advantage" in quotes because it almost never turns out to be an advantage. That's one problem I have with these challenges: they don't really win anything. The supposed advantage they get by being able to choose clients first usually doesn't help them at all (this is proved by the fact that the winners are usually eliminated in the following episode). And I think I know the reason: the winner picks the best client and so they get less credit for having a big challenge. On project runway it actually is an advantage to have a good model because they don't get extra credit for making a crappy model look good. But on Shear Genius the judges see before and after photos so starting with the worst client can actually be an advantage.

Anyway, on to the elimination challenge: The geniuses have to create wedding hairstyles for a bridal party (bride, maid of honor, and mother of the bride).

Jaclyn Smith: "You will be judged on the style, how the three styles work together, how the styles compliment the dresses, and client satisfaction. You will not be judged on teamwork so I suggest you fight like drunken sailors."

Daisy and Anthony do a great job! There is no question they should win.

The other two teams don't do a great job. Ben and Boogie don't really satisfy their clients:

Boogie: "My client said she wanted her hair down so I told her she was an idiot and I put it up. Thank god I was there to save her from herself."

Tyson and Tabatha create ugly styles:

Jaclyn Smith: "Tabatha, can you tell us about these styles?"

Tabatha: "Well, basically, I can't stand Tyson. I think he's a horrible little creep. I didn't want to say anything because I'm such a caring person and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But since you came right out and asked me about it, I can't lie."

Jaclyn Smith: "I didn't ask you anything about that."

Tabatha: "Well, I still hate him."

Jaclyn Smith: "OK, remember when I said teamwork would not be factored into our decision? Well, I lied."

Tyson and Tabatha are out.

Tabatha: "I don't care if I'm out as long as that horrible little troll is not going to win."

Tyson: "God, you're sexy!"

Tabatha: "I despise you!"

A catfight ensues. They are wrestling each other to the ground and tearing at each other's hair. Then they fall into a koi pond. After a while, they can't deny the sexual attraction any longer and they start making out. Then they discover they are long lost siblings. They continue making out. Later, it turns out they are not brother and sister at all; instead, Tyson is the child the doctors had told Tabatha had been stillborn. He was kidnapped and raised by the Carringtons. Then their car goes out of control and they drive off a cliff. But are they really dead? Tune in next time to find out!

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