Posted by Eric3000
Eight episodes? Really? That's it? I thought there would be at least one more. I thought this episode would narrow it down to the final two, who would compete in the finale next week. I should probably pay more attention.
We start the episode with the three final geniuses sitting with Rene. It looks like Rene should be interviewing them but he is really just telling them what has happened on the show:
Rene: "Hi hi! First you all came on the show and then you cut some hair and people got into arguments and you all cried like little girls and some people were sent home and a bunch of other stuff happened and now we are just left with the three of you!"
Geniuses: "We know all that, Rene. We were there."
Rene: "OK, Mr. and Mrs. Smartypantses, why don't you give us a sound bite."
Anthony: "I have 43 years of experience in the styling industry. And that's pretty impressive because I'm only 39."
Daisy: "At the beginning I was completely misunderestimated."
Ben: "Making it this far on the show is really an accomplishment. But I don't care about all that shit; I'm just in it for the money."
The geniuses learn that they will recreating a Vidal Sassoon style made famous by Olympic silver medalist and hair legend Michelle Kwan. Then they are introduced to the guest judge: God.
God: "Many people don't realize this, but I invented hair."
Daisy: "This is such an honor to meet God! He's always been such an inspiration to me. If it weren't for God, I wouldn't be a stylist today. Well, I guess I wouldn't even exist."
God tells us about his charity helping the victims of hurricane Katrina:
God: "So I went to New Orleans after Katrina and it was such a disaster. I've never seen so many people with bad hair in my entire life! One woman told me it had been months since she'd had a hot oil treatment! It just broke my heart. I decided right then and there I had to do something to help. I realized that if all the hairdressers in the world worked together, we could prevent hurricanes and other natural disaster from ever occurring."
[Click here to learn about Vidal Sassoon's organization Hairdressers Unlocking Hope, which is helping to rebuild homes destroyed by Katrina]
For the final challenge, the geniuses will be creating three looks:
Rene: "Just as in selecting a diamond, you will be using the three 'C's of styling: Color, Creativity, and Kwan."
Ben: "I'm pretty sure Kwan starts with a 'K.'"
Rene: "Whatever."
The geniuses pick boxes with numbers, which will be the order they pick collections of clothes for their clients. Daisy is first, Anthony is second, and Ben is last:
Ben: "This is why I haven't gone on that game show with Howie Mandel; I know I would pick the wrong briefcase."
[Eric Three Thousand has never actually seen that show but is guessing it has something to do with picking a briefcase.]
Ben: "Have I mentioned that I really want some money?"
They pick collections, from which they will choose outfits for their three clients. Daisy picks some boring black and white clothes by Luca Luca, Anthony picks some predictably hideous clothes by Cynthia Rowley, and Ben is left with a collection of quite cute clothes by Dina Bar-El (though he doesn't select the best ones). I'm not quite sure how this worked. I don't think the geniuses saw the clients before they picked the clothes so they weren't able to choose things to suit the specific women. And their clients were not models and came in a variety of shapes and sizes. So how did the dresses fit all of them? Did they have each dress in a range of sizes? Most of the dresses were not very flattering to the women who ended up wearing them. It was a very strange assignment.
They have three hours to do three heads (that's industry speak for doing three people's hair). Daisy has a Marcel-wave-iron malfunction, as usual. Anthony gets in a fight with his client:
Anthony: "What are you doing here if you don't want your hair cut?"
Client: "They told me this was a taping of Two and a Half Men."
Then he gets in a fight with Rene:
Rene: "What are you doing, Anthony?"
Anthony: "Bite me, Rene."
Rene: "Well, if you're happy with that look, it's fine with me."
Rene announces that they are almost out of time:
Rene: "You have five minutes left. I can't believe this season is almost over. I have tea in my eye."
How did you get tea in your eye?
Rene: "No, no, no. Teah! You know, I'm verklempt."
A tear in your eye. Of course. Sorry. God, I'm going to miss trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about every week.
Anyway, on to the hair:
Long story short: it was crap. Daisy did all this weird curly stuff and none of it quite worked. Ben did two pretty nice styles and one terrible up-do. Anthony's were fine but not very exciting and he didn't do a very good job with color.
What do the judges think?
Vidal Sassoon: "Shake that bob! Shake it!"
Rene: "Hey! That's my catch-phrase!"
Vidal Sassoon: "Well, I just think they all did such a wonderful job! They have so much heart! They chose everything perfectly and they really made that cut their own!"
Sally: "Christ! Who do you think you are? Paula Abdul? We have to pick a winner here, Vidal."
Daisy is out. Anthony wins. Ben loses but, for some reason, gets to stay on the set and drink champagne with everyone while daisy is stuck drinking Miller Lite on the loading dock.
That's it! Thanks for reading!
Vidal Sassoon: "Shake it!"
Rene: "Stop that!"
Click here to return to the Bravissimo home page.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Shear Genius Episode 7: Photo Shit!
Oh, sorry; pardon my French. I should have said "Photo Shoot."
The quickfire challenge will be to work with Franco-American hair:
Guest Judge: "First you have to determine whether the hair is more like SpaghettiOs or RavioliOs."
OK, I'm just kidding. The challenge is to work with African-American hair.
Anthony: "What's African-American hair?"
It's hair that African-Americans have.
Anthony: "What makes the hair American? Is it different from the hair of black women in England?"
I don't think so. The point is the hair is curly and you are supposed to make it straight.
Tabatha: "I am so disappointed in him."
Anthony's concept is Retro Glamour Fabulous Sexy Prostitute Girl. It will be a "horizontal look," which is a nice way of saying she will be laying on a bed looking like she is having sex.
And Ben gets Rebel Yell, which means he has to make his model look like Billy Idol. Preferably a young Billy Idol.
When the geniuses get back to the apartment there is a box from Jaclyn.
OH, MY GOD! Don't open it! It's a bomb! Jaclyn Smith is insane!
Oh ... ha ha; it's just a DVD. Never mind.
We meet Boogie's son. Excuse me? His what? Yes, you heard right; it's his son. Oh, wait; is his son white? I can't tell. Maybe he's adopted. OK, that makes sense. I wonder why we aren't introduced to his "wife."
We meet Daisy's girlfriend, Ben's girlfriend and Anthony's harem of women.
On the photo shoot Daisy does well. To me it just looks like wet hair but the judges like it so I'm obviously missing something. At first Sally thinks the hair is looking slightly tortured but then she decides that the hair doesn't look tortured.
Sally: "Sometimes wet hair can really look tortured."
OK, I think we've decided that Daisy is not a hair torturer. Phew! In fact, she wins it! This means she'll be out next time.
Anthony did not listen to Matthew about the model's roots showing:
Matthew: "You did not address the hairline issues. I will have you killed."
Ben seems to be totally screwing up but the pictures come out really good and Matthew is happy with his work:
Sally: "Ben is not afraid to fail."
Jaclyn: "Which is good, because he usually does."
Oh, SNAP!
Boogie completely took over the set because he has so much experience and is such a professional. He annoyed everyone and Matthew didn't like the results:
Matthew: "He seems arrogant."
Jaclyn: "I think he's just using the arrogance to hide his insecurity."
Sally: "Oh, don't be such a pussy, Jaclyn. You're over analyzing. Sometimes an annoying, prissy queen is just an annoying, prissy queen."
Boogie is out:
Boogie: "Thank you so much for sending me home. This was exactly when I wanted to be sent home. This is all according to my plan. Yep, I'm completely in control of this situation."
Anthony was supposed to be out. Maybe the curse of the wall of horror has been broken and Daisy won't be out next week!
OK, tune in next time for ... But wait; there's more!
If you order right now you'll get a second hour of Shear Genius absolutely free! That's right; two great hours, minus commercials, of this great fat-fighting program for one low price!
So, first of all, does Bravo really think we have nothing better to do that sit up until midnight watching some tired old queen, er, I mean to say the fabulous Andy Cohen interviewing the geniuses?
Oh, right; I forgot to whom I was speaking.
So, second of all, the reunion is not very interesting. We get a little of Dr. Boogie speaking of his own greatness, a Jaclyn Smith gag reel, which is cute, and Rene's catch phrases of "Hi, hi" and "shake it," which are quickly not becoming popular street lingo.
OK, I have to admit that I totally thought Boogie was joking in the first episode when he made the comment about not being gay. I couldn't believe anybody had taken it seriously. I think his exact words were, "Not that I'm gay or anything," which sounded like sarcasm. Anyway, it turns out he really does think he is straight:
Boogie: "Oh, yeah, I'm totally straight. I just really like having sex with men."
Well, I think that clears up that issue. Moving on: the consensus is that Tabatha is, in fact, a fabulous bitch, as if that fact were ever in question. Everyone hates Tyson but we still don't know why.
Then: Hedge-Clipper Gate!
Evangelin: "People come into my salon all the time asking for my special hedge-clipper cut."
Anthony: "But your salon is down the street from a psychiatric hospital, isn't it?"
Evangelin: "No. Why do you ask?"
Boogie: "He's saying you're crazy and you should be locked up. When did you become so mean and nasty, Anthony?"
Anthony: "I don't know which one of you is more stupid. I wasn't suggesting Evangelin should be in a psychiatric hospital. I was suggesting people would have to be a little crazy to want to have their hair cut with hedge trimmers. It was just a joke. Was it that complicated?"
And that's it! Tune in next time to find out if the wall of horrors spell has truly been broken so Daisy can go to the finale with either Ben or Anthony.
Rene: "Shake it!"
OK, give it up, Rene.
Click here to return to the Bravissimo home page!
Posted by Eric3000
You'll remember last week's episode ended with Tyson and Tabatha faking their own deaths to conceal their incestuous relationship. Daisy and Anthony won, which means Anthony will be going home this week (it can't be Daisy)!The quickfire challenge will be to work with Franco-American hair:
Guest Judge: "First you have to determine whether the hair is more like SpaghettiOs or RavioliOs."
OK, I'm just kidding. The challenge is to work with African-American hair.
Anthony: "What's African-American hair?"
It's hair that African-Americans have.
Anthony: "What makes the hair American? Is it different from the hair of black women in England?"
I don't think so. The point is the hair is curly and you are supposed to make it straight.
Four African-American clients come onto the set. Coincidentally, they have African-American hair.
Don Imus: "Those are some nap ... OOF!"
Rene punches Don Imus in the nuts. Suddenly Rene seems slightly less annoying to me.
Ben, Anthony, and Daisy basically just iron the hair straight. Boogie uses a chemical relaxer on a woman who had a gorgeous afro. None of them look better than when they came in. Anthony wins.
Photographer Matthew Rolston has come up with four concepts for a photo shoot. Anthony gets to pass out the assignments. Does he use the opportunity to try to screw people over? no; he gives the other geniuses the concept he thinks fits them best. What the hell is his problem?Tabatha: "I am so disappointed in him."
So, what are the concepts?
Daisy is supposed to make her model look like a drowned rat.
Boogie is supposed to make his model look like Molly Shannon from her blockbuster hit movie "Superstar."Anthony's concept is Retro Glamour Fabulous Sexy Prostitute Girl. It will be a "horizontal look," which is a nice way of saying she will be laying on a bed looking like she is having sex.
And Ben gets Rebel Yell, which means he has to make his model look like Billy Idol. Preferably a young Billy Idol.
When the geniuses get back to the apartment there is a box from Jaclyn.
OH, MY GOD! Don't open it! It's a bomb! Jaclyn Smith is insane!
Oh ... ha ha; it's just a DVD. Never mind.
We meet Boogie's son. Excuse me? His what? Yes, you heard right; it's his son. Oh, wait; is his son white? I can't tell. Maybe he's adopted. OK, that makes sense. I wonder why we aren't introduced to his "wife."
We meet Daisy's girlfriend, Ben's girlfriend and Anthony's harem of women.
On the photo shoot Daisy does well. To me it just looks like wet hair but the judges like it so I'm obviously missing something. At first Sally thinks the hair is looking slightly tortured but then she decides that the hair doesn't look tortured.
Sally: "Sometimes wet hair can really look tortured."
OK, I think we've decided that Daisy is not a hair torturer. Phew! In fact, she wins it! This means she'll be out next time.
Anthony did not listen to Matthew about the model's roots showing:
Matthew: "You did not address the hairline issues. I will have you killed."
Ben seems to be totally screwing up but the pictures come out really good and Matthew is happy with his work:
Sally: "Ben is not afraid to fail."
Jaclyn: "Which is good, because he usually does."
Oh, SNAP!
Boogie completely took over the set because he has so much experience and is such a professional. He annoyed everyone and Matthew didn't like the results:
Matthew: "He seems arrogant."
Jaclyn: "I think he's just using the arrogance to hide his insecurity."
Sally: "Oh, don't be such a pussy, Jaclyn. You're over analyzing. Sometimes an annoying, prissy queen is just an annoying, prissy queen."
Boogie is out:
Boogie: "Thank you so much for sending me home. This was exactly when I wanted to be sent home. This is all according to my plan. Yep, I'm completely in control of this situation."
Anthony was supposed to be out. Maybe the curse of the wall of horror has been broken and Daisy won't be out next week!
OK, tune in next time for ... But wait; there's more!
If you order right now you'll get a second hour of Shear Genius absolutely free! That's right; two great hours, minus commercials, of this great fat-fighting program for one low price!
So, first of all, does Bravo really think we have nothing better to do that sit up until midnight watching some tired old queen, er, I mean to say the fabulous Andy Cohen interviewing the geniuses?
Oh, right; I forgot to whom I was speaking.
So, second of all, the reunion is not very interesting. We get a little of Dr. Boogie speaking of his own greatness, a Jaclyn Smith gag reel, which is cute, and Rene's catch phrases of "Hi, hi" and "shake it," which are quickly not becoming popular street lingo.
OK, I have to admit that I totally thought Boogie was joking in the first episode when he made the comment about not being gay. I couldn't believe anybody had taken it seriously. I think his exact words were, "Not that I'm gay or anything," which sounded like sarcasm. Anyway, it turns out he really does think he is straight:
Boogie: "Oh, yeah, I'm totally straight. I just really like having sex with men."
Well, I think that clears up that issue. Moving on: the consensus is that Tabatha is, in fact, a fabulous bitch, as if that fact were ever in question. Everyone hates Tyson but we still don't know why.
Then: Hedge-Clipper Gate!
Evangelin: "People come into my salon all the time asking for my special hedge-clipper cut."
Anthony: "But your salon is down the street from a psychiatric hospital, isn't it?"
Evangelin: "No. Why do you ask?"
Boogie: "He's saying you're crazy and you should be locked up. When did you become so mean and nasty, Anthony?"
Anthony: "I don't know which one of you is more stupid. I wasn't suggesting Evangelin should be in a psychiatric hospital. I was suggesting people would have to be a little crazy to want to have their hair cut with hedge trimmers. It was just a joke. Was it that complicated?"
And that's it! Tune in next time to find out if the wall of horrors spell has truly been broken so Daisy can go to the finale with either Ben or Anthony.
Rene: "Shake it!"
OK, give it up, Rene.
Click here to return to the Bravissimo home page!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Shear Genius Finale: Episode 6!
Posted by Eric3000
Sorry this is late; Eric Three Thousand has been experiencing technical difficulties.
Anyway, on with the Shear Genius finale!
Jaclyn Smith: "This show is dragging on too long so we've decided to just send the rest of you home today. I'm sorry but all of you have just given your last cuts."
Wow! Time really flies when you're having fun! That season went by so quickly; I can hardly believe it's over! Well, thanks, everyone, for reading. Good night and drive safely!
OK, fine, it wasn't really the finale. But seriously, this season is too short. Bravo was clearly afraid of making another Top Design flop so they made this series really short to test the waters.
So, there are six geniuses left. Tyson goes up on the wall of horrors so we know he's going home today. What we don't know is that he'll take Tabatha with him!
Tabatha and Tyson are members of their own mutual admiration society. They both think the other is their strongest competition. The difference between them is that Tyson seems to like Tabatha but Tabatha can't stand him. It's a little sad.
It's a team challenge:
Tyson: "Tabatha, will you be my partner?"
Tabatha: "Oh, god. As long as you don't speak to me and you stay at least five feet away from me at all times. Oh, yeah, and try to stay out of my line of vision. I don't want to have to look at you."
Tyson: "I really respect you."
Tabatha: "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't speak to me."
Ben is teamed up with Boogie and Daisy is teamed with Anthony. The teams go to Topanga Plaza (apparently now called Westfield Topanga. That fucking Westfield corporation is taking over everything!)
Ben is dressed in a ninja outfit:
Ben: "I decided this was the right moment to demonstrate that I'm completely insane."
Not so much. The challenge is to grab people in the mall and convince them to pay for haircuts. The team with the most money at the end of two hours wins.
Ben, Boogie, Daisy, and Anthony offer cheap cuts and get clients pretty quickly.
Anthony: "Well, it's taking me a few minutes. People in this mall are obviously scared by tall, attractive black men with British accents."
Yes, that's it; they're scared of you. It has nothing do with the fact that it's just strange for someone to walk up to a person in a mall and ask to cut their hair.
Tyson and Tabatha are having trouble getting clients because they are charging too much. Also because they look like rejects from the Adams Family.
So how did they do?
Ben and Boogie: around $250
Daisy and Anthony: around $300
Tyson and Tabatha: half a million dollars
Wow! How did Tyson and Tabatha manage that? How many clients did they have?
Tabatha: "We only had one client. We just know how to charge what we're worth."
Client: "They took my dog and said they would kill it unless I gave them $500,000 in unmarked bills. And, on top of that, they forced me to get this hair cut!"
Tabatha: "That's just a little misunderstanding. We offered to watch her dog for her and threatened to kill her husband."
Anyway, Tabatha and Tyson win the quickfire. This, of course, means they get the "advantage" of choosing the clients in the elimination challenge. I put "advantage" in quotes because it almost never turns out to be an advantage. That's one problem I have with these challenges: they don't really win anything. The supposed advantage they get by being able to choose clients first usually doesn't help them at all (this is proved by the fact that the winners are usually eliminated in the following episode). And I think I know the reason: the winner picks the best client and so they get less credit for having a big challenge. On project runway it actually is an advantage to have a good model because they don't get extra credit for making a crappy model look good. But on Shear Genius the judges see before and after photos so starting with the worst client can actually be an advantage.
Anyway, on to the elimination challenge: The geniuses have to create wedding hairstyles for a bridal party (bride, maid of honor, and mother of the bride).
Jaclyn Smith: "You will be judged on the style, how the three styles work together, how the styles compliment the dresses, and client satisfaction. You will not be judged on teamwork so I suggest you fight like drunken sailors."
Daisy and Anthony do a great job! There is no question they should win.
The other two teams don't do a great job. Ben and Boogie don't really satisfy their clients:
Boogie: "My client said she wanted her hair down so I told her she was an idiot and I put it up. Thank god I was there to save her from herself."
Tyson and Tabatha create ugly styles:
Jaclyn Smith: "Tabatha, can you tell us about these styles?"
Tabatha: "Well, basically, I can't stand Tyson. I think he's a horrible little creep. I didn't want to say anything because I'm such a caring person and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But since you came right out and asked me about it, I can't lie."
Jaclyn Smith: "I didn't ask you anything about that."
Tabatha: "Well, I still hate him."
Jaclyn Smith: "OK, remember when I said teamwork would not be factored into our decision? Well, I lied."
Tyson and Tabatha are out.
Tabatha: "I don't care if I'm out as long as that horrible little troll is not going to win."
Tyson: "God, you're sexy!"
Tabatha: "I despise you!"
A catfight ensues. They are wrestling each other to the ground and tearing at each other's hair. Then they fall into a koi pond. After a while, they can't deny the sexual attraction any longer and they start making out. Then they discover they are long lost siblings. They continue making out. Later, it turns out they are not brother and sister at all; instead, Tyson is the child the doctors had told Tabatha had been stillborn. He was kidnapped and raised by the Carringtons. Then their car goes out of control and they drive off a cliff. But are they really dead? Tune in next time to find out!
Click here to return to the home page!
Sorry this is late; Eric Three Thousand has been experiencing technical difficulties.
Anyway, on with the Shear Genius finale!
Jaclyn Smith: "This show is dragging on too long so we've decided to just send the rest of you home today. I'm sorry but all of you have just given your last cuts."
Wow! Time really flies when you're having fun! That season went by so quickly; I can hardly believe it's over! Well, thanks, everyone, for reading. Good night and drive safely!
OK, fine, it wasn't really the finale. But seriously, this season is too short. Bravo was clearly afraid of making another Top Design flop so they made this series really short to test the waters.
So, there are six geniuses left. Tyson goes up on the wall of horrors so we know he's going home today. What we don't know is that he'll take Tabatha with him!
Tabatha and Tyson are members of their own mutual admiration society. They both think the other is their strongest competition. The difference between them is that Tyson seems to like Tabatha but Tabatha can't stand him. It's a little sad.
It's a team challenge:
Tyson: "Tabatha, will you be my partner?"
Tabatha: "Oh, god. As long as you don't speak to me and you stay at least five feet away from me at all times. Oh, yeah, and try to stay out of my line of vision. I don't want to have to look at you."
Tyson: "I really respect you."
Tabatha: "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't speak to me."
Ben is teamed up with Boogie and Daisy is teamed with Anthony. The teams go to Topanga Plaza (apparently now called Westfield Topanga. That fucking Westfield corporation is taking over everything!)
Ben is dressed in a ninja outfit:
Ben: "I decided this was the right moment to demonstrate that I'm completely insane."
Not so much. The challenge is to grab people in the mall and convince them to pay for haircuts. The team with the most money at the end of two hours wins.
Ben, Boogie, Daisy, and Anthony offer cheap cuts and get clients pretty quickly.
Anthony: "Well, it's taking me a few minutes. People in this mall are obviously scared by tall, attractive black men with British accents."
Yes, that's it; they're scared of you. It has nothing do with the fact that it's just strange for someone to walk up to a person in a mall and ask to cut their hair.
Tyson and Tabatha are having trouble getting clients because they are charging too much. Also because they look like rejects from the Adams Family.
So how did they do?
Ben and Boogie: around $250
Daisy and Anthony: around $300
Tyson and Tabatha: half a million dollars
Wow! How did Tyson and Tabatha manage that? How many clients did they have?
Tabatha: "We only had one client. We just know how to charge what we're worth."
Client: "They took my dog and said they would kill it unless I gave them $500,000 in unmarked bills. And, on top of that, they forced me to get this hair cut!"
Tabatha: "That's just a little misunderstanding. We offered to watch her dog for her and threatened to kill her husband."
Anyway, Tabatha and Tyson win the quickfire. This, of course, means they get the "advantage" of choosing the clients in the elimination challenge. I put "advantage" in quotes because it almost never turns out to be an advantage. That's one problem I have with these challenges: they don't really win anything. The supposed advantage they get by being able to choose clients first usually doesn't help them at all (this is proved by the fact that the winners are usually eliminated in the following episode). And I think I know the reason: the winner picks the best client and so they get less credit for having a big challenge. On project runway it actually is an advantage to have a good model because they don't get extra credit for making a crappy model look good. But on Shear Genius the judges see before and after photos so starting with the worst client can actually be an advantage.
Anyway, on to the elimination challenge: The geniuses have to create wedding hairstyles for a bridal party (bride, maid of honor, and mother of the bride).
Jaclyn Smith: "You will be judged on the style, how the three styles work together, how the styles compliment the dresses, and client satisfaction. You will not be judged on teamwork so I suggest you fight like drunken sailors."
Daisy and Anthony do a great job! There is no question they should win.
The other two teams don't do a great job. Ben and Boogie don't really satisfy their clients:
Boogie: "My client said she wanted her hair down so I told her she was an idiot and I put it up. Thank god I was there to save her from herself."
Tyson and Tabatha create ugly styles:
Jaclyn Smith: "Tabatha, can you tell us about these styles?"
Tabatha: "Well, basically, I can't stand Tyson. I think he's a horrible little creep. I didn't want to say anything because I'm such a caring person and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But since you came right out and asked me about it, I can't lie."
Jaclyn Smith: "I didn't ask you anything about that."
Tabatha: "Well, I still hate him."
Jaclyn Smith: "OK, remember when I said teamwork would not be factored into our decision? Well, I lied."
Tyson and Tabatha are out.
Tabatha: "I don't care if I'm out as long as that horrible little troll is not going to win."
Tyson: "God, you're sexy!"
Tabatha: "I despise you!"
A catfight ensues. They are wrestling each other to the ground and tearing at each other's hair. Then they fall into a koi pond. After a while, they can't deny the sexual attraction any longer and they start making out. Then they discover they are long lost siblings. They continue making out. Later, it turns out they are not brother and sister at all; instead, Tyson is the child the doctors had told Tabatha had been stillborn. He was kidnapped and raised by the Carringtons. Then their car goes out of control and they drive off a cliff. But are they really dead? Tune in next time to find out!
Click here to return to the home page!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Shear Genius: Chatting With Ben
US: Why did you decide to become a stylist?
Ben: I knew I was going to be a hair person at 15. My 1st girlfriend taught me how to French braid hair and used to give my brother Eric horrible haircuts when we where kids. I eventually just got the hang of it. Right after High School I did beauty school and the rest is history.
US: If you couldn't be a stylist, what would you be doing?
Ben: Playing music.
US: Who do you admire?
Ben: Ann Bower.
US: Any hair care secrets you`d like to share?
Ben: Guys with long hair, try styling it with hand lotion.
US: What is in your fridge right now?
Ben:1 Becks beer, yogurt tubes, fruit punch Gatorade, grapes, 1/2 bottle of Grey Goose .
US: What do you feel is the worst hair trend in the last 10 years?
Ben: Mini butterfly clips that people would put there bangs back with. (what the hell??)
US: Any pets?
Ben:I have a 4 year old female pit that I rescued named Bella
US: What is your favorite:
Movie: Shawshank Redemption
CD Fugazi 13 songs
Book Superfudge
TV Show the Simpsons
Guilty Pleasure free Porn
US: You are stranded (you pick a location) what three items do you hope you have in your bag?
Ben: Food, money, Q-tips.
US: Any final words?
Ben: Go get a hair cut.
Thanks Ben. We wish you and the other 3 all the best going into the final two episodes.
Return to main Bravissimo page.
Ben: I knew I was going to be a hair person at 15. My 1st girlfriend taught me how to French braid hair and used to give my brother Eric horrible haircuts when we where kids. I eventually just got the hang of it. Right after High School I did beauty school and the rest is history.
US: If you couldn't be a stylist, what would you be doing?Ben: Playing music.
US: Who do you admire?
Ben: Ann Bower.
US: Any hair care secrets you`d like to share?
Ben: Guys with long hair, try styling it with hand lotion.
US: What is in your fridge right now?
Ben:1 Becks beer, yogurt tubes, fruit punch Gatorade, grapes, 1/2 bottle of Grey Goose .
US: What do you feel is the worst hair trend in the last 10 years?
Ben: Mini butterfly clips that people would put there bangs back with. (what the hell??)
US: Any pets?
Ben:I have a 4 year old female pit that I rescued named Bella
US: What is your favorite:
Movie: Shawshank Redemption
CD Fugazi 13 songs
Book Superfudge
TV Show the Simpsons
Guilty Pleasure free Porn
US: You are stranded (you pick a location) what three items do you hope you have in your bag?
Ben: Food, money, Q-tips.
US: Any final words?
Ben: Go get a hair cut.
Thanks Ben. We wish you and the other 3 all the best going into the final two episodes.
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Saturday, May 12, 2007
Shear Genius Episode 5: Hair of the Dog!
Posted by Eric3000
Tabatha: "The episode is called hair of the dog? Son of a bitch! I told you we were going to have to give haircuts to dogs! I just knew it! What further indignities will I have to endure?"
Relax! I just made up that title. You won't really have to give a haircut to a dog ... this week.
The real title of this week's episode is "Freak to Greek." the geniuses have to take a bunch of long-haired weirdos and make them look like shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis.
Tyson: "The spice! The spice!"
We'll get to that later, Tyson. The quickfire challenge will take place at Shorty's Barber Shop on Fairfax in West Hollywood:
Jaclyn Smith: "The gayest barbershop in Los Angeles!"
OK, so she actually said, "hippest." I like Shorty's; I used to get my hair cut there all the time and it's fun and cheap. But I had no idea it was the hippest place in town.
Jaclyn tells the geniuses that no one will be going home today. This is a little misleading to the home viewer, who is presumably watching this entire episode in about an hour [this sentence sponsored by Lenscrafters] and therefore watches the entire episode on the same day. So I thought this meant nobody was being eliminated during this episode. But the second challenge actually takes place the following day and someone will be eliminated. Yes, I confuse easily.
The guest judge for this challenge is a stylist so famous he only has one name! Ooh! Don't you wish you only had one name? It's Christophe!
Anthony: "Christophe?! Oh, my god, I couldn't believe it was him! I don't know what my mouth was doing!"
Do we really need to guess?
The clients arrive:
Tabatha: "Oh damn, I was right; they are dogs! And holy shit, they're the biggest, ugliest dogs I've ever seen! ... Oh, sorry, they're just really hairy guys."
Where does Bravo find so many people in such desperate need of a haircut? Anyway, the geniuses go about making these guys presentable. They all do a pretty good job. All the guys look much better than when they came in. There are a couple of stand-outs:
Boogie gave a guy what I think he called an "updated Caesar." I think that comes with croutons and Parmesan cheese. And guess what? HE USED SCISSORS! Obviously he knows how to use them. So why couldn't he have used them last week on that woman's hair? Other Eric thinks this guy's new look makes him look like a member of a boy band and he's right. But he still looks pretty good.
Tabatha gave a very cool long cut to a kid who had stepped right out of a production of "Jesus Christ Super Star." Tabatha wins!
Tabatha is going a little overboard on her hatred of Tyson:
Tabatha: "Killing him would be too good for him. I want him to live long enough so I can make him suffer!"
Seriously, don't you think that's a bit much?
Tabatha: "Fine! If you feel that strongly about it, I'll just kill him now and put him out of his misery! You're such a pussy!"
Tyson flat-irons his client's hair:
Tyson: "Fuck I'm good; just ask me!"
Tabatha: "That's FIGJAM for short."
Tyson: "Oh, thanks Tabatha; that will save me a lot of time."
Tabatha: "No problem. I'll have a button made up for you."
Back at the apartment the geniuses find a box. Tabatha, also known as the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, explains to the other geniuses that it is a pain box which she will use with the gom jabbar to determine which one of them is the Kwisatch Haderach:
Tabatha: "If you withdraw your hand from the box you die."
Tyson: "You Bene Gesserit witch!"
Rene says something about Ewoks. I don't know what he's talking about:
Other Eric: "I think he said 'eras.' I think the stylists have to create looks from different eras."
Oh, that makes more sense. The Reverend Mother - I mean Tabatha - takes 80s punk rock, and she gives Danna the 1940s, Boogie Medieval, Anthony the 1960s, Ben the 1920s, Daisy Victorian, and she gives Tyson what she thinks is the most challenging for him: Elizabethan.
Tyson: "Ha! She knows I'm the Kwisatch Haderach! And she's scared as hell of me!"
OK, that's an odd assortment of styles. Four styles from the 20th century and then three styles picked randomly from the past thousand years? I don't get it. Why not pick seven decades from the 20th century or pick a greater variety of historical styles? I also wish the instructions had been more clear; were they supposed to create modern versions of historical styles, styles simply inspired by historical looks, or historically accurate re-creations? And really long eras like Victorian, Elizabethan, and Medieval obviously had many completely different styles depending on the specific time period, geographic region, or person's class. So were they supposed to pick the most obvious example or something more interesting? Well, whatever; it's still a pretty fun challenge.
The geniuses get a couple of minutes to do research on something called "The Internet." I looked this up and apparently it is an enormous database of hairstyles. No, seriously, they did not get enough time for research. That was just silly. Why not give them all laptops for an hour? Better yet, give them access to some books on historical costume. I was really surprised at how little information I found on the web about Elizabethan hairstyles, for instance. I learned more by looking at costume and art history books.
So, in the studio Danna sees that her photograph is up on the wall of fame because she won last week:
Boogie: "Ooh, girl, that's the kiss of death! Everyone up there was sent home in the next challenge."
Well, that's just crazy! It must be a coincidence; it couldn't possibly happen again!
Everyone is thrilled that Tyson is going to be gone because he got a challenge he can't possibly handle:
Tyson: "I swallowed a cup of pure spice essence last night and erased the barriers of time and space. In my vision I was visited by Queen Elizabeth and now I know exactly what to do for this challenge. The Queen was wearing a pastel colored hat that matched her suit and she was followed by two Corgis and she told me that her son Charles was driving her insane with that stupid horsey Camilla person."
There's something wrong with that vision but I can't quite put my finger on it.
So, Tabatha's Mohawk is technically very good but it's kind of obvious.
Boogie's Medieval look is pretty good. It's just a bunch of braiding but I think it has a Medieval feel to it.
Anthony's 1960s look was very disappointing. He got a pretty easy era and he just went with the most boring look possible. The judges think a big bump at the top of the head was what was missing. That's exactly it. He could have gone with a short bob, too. He had so many options. He's safe, though.
Ben's 1920s look was fine in the front but the back looked horrible.
Danna's creation looks sort of 1940s but it was just so ugly. It didn't really make a difference, though:
Jaclyn Smith: "Danna, your picture is on the wall of fame so we have to send you home this week."
Boogie: "The Doctor is always right about these things."
Daisy's Victorian look was perfect. Obviously it's only one of many possible Victorian looks. It was late Victorian, maybe 1880s. I think they gave her the correct dress to go with this look because it would have looked wrong with a big 1860's hoop skirt. It was similar to her Vanessa Williams red carpet look. I thought it was perfect and she should have won this challenge.
But Tyson uses the Voice to convince the judges that his look is historically accurate, even though it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of work, it was really beautiful, and it certainly gave a vague impression of a court hairstyle from "a long time ago." But it was really closer to the 18th century than the 16th. For starters, I haven't found any evidence that women powdered their hair during the Elizabethan era. They dyed their hair and wore wigs, but I don't think they powdered them. I know this may be a small point but I found it strange that the judges, who I hope had done a little prep work for this challenge, said how perfect the powdered hair was; how it made them think of Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth." I don't think it resembled anything Queen Elizabeth ever wore. A typical style for her was red hair with lots of finger curls around the face and frizzy hair piled on the sides in a heart shape with lots of jewelry stuck in it. The look Tyson did was closer to a Georgian style, in my opinion. Again, I'm not surprised that it didn't look perfectly Elizabethan, given the lack of time for research; I was just surprised that the judges thought it was historically accurate.
Tyson wins! He kills the Reverend Mother and rides a worm off into the sunset of Arrakis. Yay; this means Tyson will be going home next week!
Click here to return to the home page!
Tabatha: "The episode is called hair of the dog? Son of a bitch! I told you we were going to have to give haircuts to dogs! I just knew it! What further indignities will I have to endure?"
Relax! I just made up that title. You won't really have to give a haircut to a dog ... this week.
The real title of this week's episode is "Freak to Greek." the geniuses have to take a bunch of long-haired weirdos and make them look like shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis.
Tyson: "The spice! The spice!"
We'll get to that later, Tyson. The quickfire challenge will take place at Shorty's Barber Shop on Fairfax in West Hollywood:
Jaclyn Smith: "The gayest barbershop in Los Angeles!"
OK, so she actually said, "hippest." I like Shorty's; I used to get my hair cut there all the time and it's fun and cheap. But I had no idea it was the hippest place in town.
Jaclyn tells the geniuses that no one will be going home today. This is a little misleading to the home viewer, who is presumably watching this entire episode in about an hour [this sentence sponsored by Lenscrafters] and therefore watches the entire episode on the same day. So I thought this meant nobody was being eliminated during this episode. But the second challenge actually takes place the following day and someone will be eliminated. Yes, I confuse easily.
The guest judge for this challenge is a stylist so famous he only has one name! Ooh! Don't you wish you only had one name? It's Christophe!
Anthony: "Christophe?! Oh, my god, I couldn't believe it was him! I don't know what my mouth was doing!"
Do we really need to guess?
The clients arrive:
Tabatha: "Oh damn, I was right; they are dogs! And holy shit, they're the biggest, ugliest dogs I've ever seen! ... Oh, sorry, they're just really hairy guys."
Where does Bravo find so many people in such desperate need of a haircut? Anyway, the geniuses go about making these guys presentable. They all do a pretty good job. All the guys look much better than when they came in. There are a couple of stand-outs:
Boogie gave a guy what I think he called an "updated Caesar." I think that comes with croutons and Parmesan cheese. And guess what? HE USED SCISSORS! Obviously he knows how to use them. So why couldn't he have used them last week on that woman's hair? Other Eric thinks this guy's new look makes him look like a member of a boy band and he's right. But he still looks pretty good.
Tabatha gave a very cool long cut to a kid who had stepped right out of a production of "Jesus Christ Super Star." Tabatha wins!
Tabatha is going a little overboard on her hatred of Tyson:
Tabatha: "Killing him would be too good for him. I want him to live long enough so I can make him suffer!"
Seriously, don't you think that's a bit much?
Tabatha: "Fine! If you feel that strongly about it, I'll just kill him now and put him out of his misery! You're such a pussy!"
Tyson flat-irons his client's hair:
Tyson: "Fuck I'm good; just ask me!"
Tabatha: "That's FIGJAM for short."
Tyson: "Oh, thanks Tabatha; that will save me a lot of time."
Tabatha: "No problem. I'll have a button made up for you."
Back at the apartment the geniuses find a box. Tabatha, also known as the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, explains to the other geniuses that it is a pain box which she will use with the gom jabbar to determine which one of them is the Kwisatch Haderach:
Tabatha: "If you withdraw your hand from the box you die."
Tyson: "You Bene Gesserit witch!"
Rene says something about Ewoks. I don't know what he's talking about:
Other Eric: "I think he said 'eras.' I think the stylists have to create looks from different eras."
Oh, that makes more sense. The Reverend Mother - I mean Tabatha - takes 80s punk rock, and she gives Danna the 1940s, Boogie Medieval, Anthony the 1960s, Ben the 1920s, Daisy Victorian, and she gives Tyson what she thinks is the most challenging for him: Elizabethan.
Tyson: "Ha! She knows I'm the Kwisatch Haderach! And she's scared as hell of me!"
OK, that's an odd assortment of styles. Four styles from the 20th century and then three styles picked randomly from the past thousand years? I don't get it. Why not pick seven decades from the 20th century or pick a greater variety of historical styles? I also wish the instructions had been more clear; were they supposed to create modern versions of historical styles, styles simply inspired by historical looks, or historically accurate re-creations? And really long eras like Victorian, Elizabethan, and Medieval obviously had many completely different styles depending on the specific time period, geographic region, or person's class. So were they supposed to pick the most obvious example or something more interesting? Well, whatever; it's still a pretty fun challenge.
The geniuses get a couple of minutes to do research on something called "The Internet." I looked this up and apparently it is an enormous database of hairstyles. No, seriously, they did not get enough time for research. That was just silly. Why not give them all laptops for an hour? Better yet, give them access to some books on historical costume. I was really surprised at how little information I found on the web about Elizabethan hairstyles, for instance. I learned more by looking at costume and art history books.
So, in the studio Danna sees that her photograph is up on the wall of fame because she won last week:
Boogie: "Ooh, girl, that's the kiss of death! Everyone up there was sent home in the next challenge."
Well, that's just crazy! It must be a coincidence; it couldn't possibly happen again!
Everyone is thrilled that Tyson is going to be gone because he got a challenge he can't possibly handle:
Tyson: "I swallowed a cup of pure spice essence last night and erased the barriers of time and space. In my vision I was visited by Queen Elizabeth and now I know exactly what to do for this challenge. The Queen was wearing a pastel colored hat that matched her suit and she was followed by two Corgis and she told me that her son Charles was driving her insane with that stupid horsey Camilla person."
There's something wrong with that vision but I can't quite put my finger on it.
So, Tabatha's Mohawk is technically very good but it's kind of obvious.
Boogie's Medieval look is pretty good. It's just a bunch of braiding but I think it has a Medieval feel to it.
Anthony's 1960s look was very disappointing. He got a pretty easy era and he just went with the most boring look possible. The judges think a big bump at the top of the head was what was missing. That's exactly it. He could have gone with a short bob, too. He had so many options. He's safe, though.
Ben's 1920s look was fine in the front but the back looked horrible.
Danna's creation looks sort of 1940s but it was just so ugly. It didn't really make a difference, though:
Jaclyn Smith: "Danna, your picture is on the wall of fame so we have to send you home this week."
Boogie: "The Doctor is always right about these things."
Daisy's Victorian look was perfect. Obviously it's only one of many possible Victorian looks. It was late Victorian, maybe 1880s. I think they gave her the correct dress to go with this look because it would have looked wrong with a big 1860's hoop skirt. It was similar to her Vanessa Williams red carpet look. I thought it was perfect and she should have won this challenge.
But Tyson uses the Voice to convince the judges that his look is historically accurate, even though it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of work, it was really beautiful, and it certainly gave a vague impression of a court hairstyle from "a long time ago." But it was really closer to the 18th century than the 16th. For starters, I haven't found any evidence that women powdered their hair during the Elizabethan era. They dyed their hair and wore wigs, but I don't think they powdered them. I know this may be a small point but I found it strange that the judges, who I hope had done a little prep work for this challenge, said how perfect the powdered hair was; how it made them think of Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth." I don't think it resembled anything Queen Elizabeth ever wore. A typical style for her was red hair with lots of finger curls around the face and frizzy hair piled on the sides in a heart shape with lots of jewelry stuck in it. The look Tyson did was closer to a Georgian style, in my opinion. Again, I'm not surprised that it didn't look perfectly Elizabethan, given the lack of time for research; I was just surprised that the judges thought it was historically accurate.
Tyson wins! He kills the Reverend Mother and rides a worm off into the sunset of Arrakis. Yay; this means Tyson will be going home next week!
Click here to return to the home page!
Shearly Wonderful Bitch Slap Fest
Tyson imitates "The Thinker"
Let's see, I know nothing about the Elizabethan era, but that shouldn't matter. Neither do the judges.
Wonder who was king at the time?As the plot thickens...
Our weasel boy's diggin' in. He's gonna be hard to get rid of. You boys are gonna have to show him what for!
Hey, hold on, woman! I am my own star, I am my own pat on the back. B'sides, there's nothing evil about that lil' ol' albino gnome. Just feel the love, shugah, like I felt you, an' leave him alone.
What are you suggesting, Tabatha? Y'all don’t show me no love, man. Why should I bust my gut for you?
Why am I always surrounded by idiots, and wind up doing the dirty work myself?...Tyson steps up to the plate!
Let's see, insert a beer can here and a beer can there...and voila! Shakespeare couldn't have done it better.
Does that hair look Elizabethan to you?Hell if I know, but Tyson sure looks yummy. He gets my vote!
I won! I won! Heh, heh, heh. I showed those Bitches, didn't I? If you think I'm going away easy, you can think again!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Shear Genius: Evolution of Man
UPGRADE! While the Geico caveman has every right to his personal style...Anthony Kiedis has a bit more "going on" on the inside as well as the outside...if you know what I mean.
UPGRADE! If it worked for Taylor Hanson then it's gotta work for this guy...right? All I can say in MMMMM-Bop!
DOWNGRADE! Some might argue Keanu and Kevin are equally talented...ahem...since this guy is an aspiring actor, I have to say Keanu has a better career.
UPGRADE! The vikings had their time and while they have recently been revived in an American Express ad...he's definatly better off with this Chris Farley/David Spade combo look. They were always a good combination.
HMMMM? This definatly depends on your taste in music....
DOWNGRADE! Enrique Iglesias might do it for some people but Johnny Depp can do it for me any day!
HMMMM? Did anything really change?
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